It is unreal to me that it has been 5 months since Jenna passed away. It has not gotten easier, and at times, when I notice the days slipping away, it is harder. I cannot reconcile this loss. And perhaps that's what makes it so hard. It's random and it's unfair. All that are left are memories.
Perhaps my favorite memories of Jenna are of a road trip that we took over winter break my freshman year of college. Despite the fact that Eric and I were broken up, she insisted that the three of us go. Perhaps she had planned it that way, but right after the trip, Eric and I decided to get back together. I do not remember much our our destination (Texas), but like all good road trips, I only really remember the journey. Did you know there is an 18 mile long bridge in Louisiana and its not even the longest bridge in the US? We saw the saddest truck stop, that boasted its own tiger. I remember the indigent look on her face when the McDonalds we stopped at for lunch was still serving breakfast, and the smile that broke after realizing that the time had changed sometime during the drive, so it was still only morning. But my favorite memory of all came after her and Eric got it into their heads that the most fun thing to do, would be to fly a kite out our car... down the interstate. I of course had about a thousand objections, but they were insistent. We went to a bunch of stores looking for a kite... any kite. Like seriously, even a kids kite. But we couldn't find anything. We finally asked someone, and were informed that it was not "kite season". Kite season?! Who knew, right? For some reason this fact has always stuck with me. Why can't you buy kites year round? Perhaps growing up in the south, seasons just don't make any sense, but over the years I have regularly thought about kite season. When is kite season even?
Fast forward 10 years, Eric and I landed in Bali, and what is one of the first sights that we are treated to? You guessed it.. Kites! So. many. kites. And not little beachy kites either. These were intense, and super high in the sky. We asked our driver, and he said they just had a festival, and that over the next few days the kites would come down. We were so excited to tell Jenna when we got back. It was kite season in Bali! While in Sanur, we could see the kites from our hotel room balcony, and I watched over the days as the kites came down. The day we left Sanur was the day Jenna passed. To say I miss her is an understatement.
How do you say goodbye? Perhaps it will never get easier. Maybe thats what happens when you love someone.
Sorry, I don't have an ending, I have just been thinking about Jenna and these kites seemingly endlessly.
Double sorry this post is so sad.